


Let You Go

by SEpupppupp (ForNought)



Series: This Little Piggy [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, High School AU, M/M, a lot more angsty than i usually aim for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForNought/pseuds/SEpupppupp
Summary: Hyungseob has a plan to get the kiss he has always wanted.





	Let You Go

Hyungseob knew that he was being unfair. He knew that he had made Sunghyuk cry for this very reason not so long ago. But even though Sunghyuk had cried, Hyungseob saw a glimmer of hope in the fat tears that ran down Sunghyuk’s cheeks.

Hyungseob had volunteered himself and Sunghyuk to fetch some of the equipment for their P.E. lesson. He did it for a reason that wasn't staring at the tightness of Sunghyuk’s T-shirt sleeves when they carried the boxes of bibs and cones to the playing field.

“Sunghyuk, can you help me for a second?” Hyungseob called from the far end of the storage room. Sunghyuk stumbled his way to the back and Hyungseob heard him trip over the sack of footballs that he had helpfully retrieved before asking for help with this fake errand in the dark.

Hyungseob would apologise later. He would apologise for everything at once. He only wanted this one thing. If Sunghyuk never spoke to him again, maybe Hyungseob’s life wouldn't be completely terrible because he got to do something he had been thinking about for months.

Hyungseob saw Sunghyuk arrive, slow and indistinct in the gloom of the storage room. Just knowing he was here, even if things didn't go to plan, had Hyungseob’s stomach roiling with anticipation. He wanted to throw up. Maybe he wasn't brave enough after all. He would have to think up some joke to pretend to play. He might have another chance one day. He might get brave enough.

But Sunghyuk didn't stop picking his way across the floor until he walked right into Hyungseob.

“Sorry, it's very dark,” Sunghyuk commented redundantly.

It was very dark and that was why Hyungseob had to be brave enough not to waste this opportunity. Sunghyuk was the closest he had ever been. His breath was warm as it puffed against Hyungseob’s neck, and the scent of the fruity gum Hyungseob had been handing out at the end of lunchtime was detectable. With each inhale, Sunghyuk’s chest bumped against Hyungseob’s.

It had to be now, it had to be now!

Sunghyuk’s fingers found Hyungseob’s in the brush of an innocuous twitch of his hand.

This was as good a chance as Hyungseob would ever get.

He bumped their faces together with too much enthusiasm and his nose felt sore and Sunghyuk even flinched away. But it was too late not to try properly.

“What was the that?” Sunghyuk asked in a hushed voice.

Hyungseob didn't want to be hated but he wanted this so much. He had been terrified for so long just thinking about never confessing to Sunghyuk and even now he still couldn't do it. Sunghyuk might think it was in jest and Hyungseob wouldn't be able to face him ever again. He had to do the only thing he could while his throat was stuffed full of things he pretended weren't there.

He lifted his hands to hold Sunghyuk’s face between them. His skin was so warm and his jaw was soft.

“Why are you shaking?” Sunghyuk whispered.

Hyungseob shook his head even though Sunghyuk probably couldn't see it. He couldn't be shaking, Not at a time like this. But then Sunghyuk’s hands were at his wrists and even Hyungseob could feel himself vibrating on the spot as he struggled to suck air in through the tight seal of his teeth pressed into his lips. Sunghyuk’s thumbs were firm against the inside of Hyungseob’s wrists. The swiping of his thumbs was so hard that Hyungseob could already feel his fingertips tingling with the lack of blood supply. He felt that same tingling at the crown of his head but he still couldn't breathe in.

“Are you playing with me again?” Sunghyuk asked. His voice cracked and wobbled and this was so much harder than Hyungseob had imagined. He wanted to deny that he had ever played with Sunghyuk. He wanted to expose himself as the sort of desperate that had to act lightly to not get caught. More than that he wanted to be able to confirm that he wasn't playing now, but he couldn't even open his mouth or get his throat unstuck.

Hyungseob tipped his head closer, bare sparks reflected in the eyes he wasn't even sure he could see, and he shook his head. His spine tickled with the minute friction of his hair against Sunghyuk’s. He wasn't playing, he wasn't playing, he wasn't playing. All he needed was for Sunghyuk to believe him.

“I’m scared,” Sunghyuk whispered.

Then they were both scared. Hyungseob was always scared. But being scared of being left behind and being scared of not doing anything worthwhile were outmatched by how scared he was of not having Sunghyuk.

He tried to clear his throat but all he could do was squeak. Sunghyuk’s hands became the gentlest of pressures as the moved to Hyungseob’s elbows and then his shoulder blades, and then his hands found purchase in Hyungseob’s T-shirt. They were so close and though Sunghyuk claimed to be scared, he was all around Hyungseob.

This was so close to what Hyungseob had wanted for so long. All he had to do was be brave for one moment of his life. All he had to do was move mere millimetres that had become miles in all the different times he had thought about them.

Their noses bumped, gently this time, and it startled a soft gasp from Sunghyuk. Hyungseob hoped it was alright as he pressed his mouth against Sunghyuk’s, that the chapped scrape that Hyungseob had avoided in each incarnation of his imagination wasn't too uncomfortable. Their lips worked in jolting tandem as he felt Sunghyuk tremble beneath his hands.

Ever so slowly, Hyungseob sucked at Sunghyuk’s lower lip and he hoped and he hoped that everything was still okay and that he hadn't ruined anything by trapping Sunghyuk here with him like this.

Hyungseob’s chest burned with oxygen deprivation, and his eyes burned with the want to see, and his lips burned with the slickness of Sunghyuk’s mouth against his own.

He had made a mistake.

If Sunghyuk never spoke to him again because of this, Hyungseob didn't know what he would do. He wanted to do this again and again and again. He wanted to kiss for a greeting, and he wanted to kiss because he was happy, and he wanted to kiss because he needed cheering up, and he wanted to kiss just for the sake of it. He wanted to be able to kiss Sunghyuk all the time just because he could and it might have been better to never know that.

His only hope was that this moment stretched on forever.

But his cheeks felt damp and Sunghyuk had stopped cooperating as much until he eventually just spluttered against Hyungseob’s mouth. He pulled back quickly and scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand and Hyungseob covertly dabbed at his own cheeks with delicate fingers.

He blinked but the stinging in his eyes didn't abate. Regardless, he could see the shadows and grey light of Sunghyuk sobbing in front of him. Hyungseob pressed at the tender heat of his mouth to gently wipe away the spit. He didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He didn't think that Sunghyuk would cry this much.

“I’m sorry,” Sunghyuk forced out through tremendous blubs.

“Why?”

Sunghyuk shook his head rapidly and clumsily swiped away at more tears. “I like you so much, Hyungseob. I really do.”

That was nothing to apologise for. Hyungseob really liked Sunghyuk too. That was the whole point of the kissing. Hyungseob opened and closed his mouth a few times as he tried to convey as much without ending up as much of a mess as Sunghyuk was. Before he could even speak with his steadiest breath, there was a clatter at the entrance to the store room.

“What is taking you both so long?”

Hyungseob quickly wiped his eyes so that Sohye wouldn't ask anything too much when she reached them. Obviously they had been a while. Hyungseob had wasted too much time and should have planned better. Shouldn't have been so impulsive with deciding on today.

Sohye’s gasp joined the wet snuffling from Sunghyuk. She somehow managed to get through the obstacles of discarded sports equipment safely and rubbed his arm soothingly.

“What's the matter, Sunghyuk?” She asked gently.

“Nothing.”

Even in the dark, Hyungseob could feel how cold Sohye’s gaze was as she fixed it upon him.

“Ahn Hyungseob, you must have done something to get him into this state.”

He wondered whether it was better to let Sohye think something like that or to try to defend himself. He didn’t know why so many people had such a low opinion of him. He only ever tried his best. He only ever wanted people to be happy. He had a bad habit of making Sunghyuk cry but it was an all too easy thing to do. He didn’t mean any of it maliciously. Especially not this.

“I didn’t,” Hyungseob said. Sohye didn’t look like she could believe that any less than she currently did.

Sunghyuk sniffed loudly and patted Sohye on the hand.

“It’s fine, I’m just being stupid,” Sunghyuk said. He said that a lot. Always when Hyungseob accidentally made him cry. He wasn’t stupid. He was never stupid. But he was smiling like he didn’t mind it. “We were just messing around a bit. Hyungseob played a small trick on me and I am too much of a baby to take it well.”

Sunghyuk smiled wetly as Sohye cooed over him and sent Hyungseob darker and darker looks. Not that it mattered much. Now he really was going to be sick. For all the moving around of his nervousness in his stomach, there was a solid weight in the pit of his stomach and a hollowness in his chest.

Rather than his breath freezing solid in his chest because he was so hopefully nervous there was nothing there. He was so empty despite the density of pain in his stomach. But all he could do was dutifully follow Sohye and Sunghyuk to the playing field whilst laden with boxes of bibs and bags of footballs.

Surely Sunghyuk was just saying it was a trick so that nobody would ask any questions. It can't have been that Sunghyuk genuinely thought that the kiss was a trick. It was better not to think about but Hyungseob couldn't stop himself from wondering.

Hyungseob was scolded by the teacher, as usual, and Sunghyuk kept to himself, pairing up with another boy in their class so that Hyungseob was on his own. Hyungseob sat out of the matches at the end of the lesson – his teacher deeming him ill enough to not be able to participate but not ill enough to go to the medical room – and quietly cleared away the equipment. By the time they needed to go back inside to get changed, Hyungseob’s sickness did come to fruition and after pathetically emptying the contents of his stomach he shuffled to the medical room.

After the nurse checked him over, Hyungseob was allowed to go to the bed to sleep off his sickness. He couldn’t sleep at all but he pulled the covers over his head and it felt a bit like hiding.

He supposed he should be happy that Sunghyuk had submitted to being kissed by him at all.


End file.
